Parenting a Teenager: Things You Should Never Do
Parenting a teenager is the most challenging phase, both in the lives of the parent as well as the child. Changes that occur are difficult to cope with and often result in frustration, despair and a rift between the parent & the child. As Psychology Today puts it, “Adolescence is a challenging time for young people, bringing on not only the physical changes of puberty, but emotional transformation as well and in some cases, the emergence of serious mental health conditions”.
This is a crucial phase in the life of a teenager because the child is going through an upheaval of hormonal activity in the body, preparing for the adult years ahead. As a result, there is a lot of emotional imbalance while transitioning from a child to a fully grown adult. Psychologically also it is challenging phase because the teenager is on the border between childhood and adulthood, both trying to hold their positions, squeezing & stretching the teenager between.
From a parent’s perspective, your sweet little child has transitioned into a person who is irritable, unreasonable and sometimes unpredictable. It is natural for any parent to go paranoid in this situation. The teenager is trying to be more independent which eventually creates an uneasy distance between you and your teenager. However, all is not lost.
Here a few things to be avoided while parenting a teenager which can give the necessary respite from the anxiety & stress for both of you, letting you and your child emerge victorious.
Don’t Impose Too Many Restrictions
As the child transitions to being a teenager, his/her interests will also transition, albeit abruptly sometimes. They are no longer interested in dolls, toys and cartoons. You will find them more consumed by social media, friends, and even dating. Wanting to stay out of home becomes a common desire. It would be best to adapt to this change yourself rather than restricting the teenager from their teenage lifestyle. It happens to all families and one day you had to let go!
Go Slow on Performance Expectations
His/her performance in studies or competitions may dip for some time. Don’t panic, it is a passing phase as they are not able to focus on repetitive activities and want to do something new everyday. This is a part of growing up. If you fuss about the performance dip, it will get only worse. Try to help them with their studies as much as you can.
Don’t Deprive Them Of Their Time Alone
It is only natural to be lost and wanting to be alone. Don’t worry, there is nothing sinister going in their lives. It is just that they want to sort out their mind, which is overwhelmed with activity and stimuli. If you barge into this time of theirs every time, they will start avoiding you actively and become passive.
Don’t Break The Bonds, Rather Build Friendship
Due to teenage challenges, don’t let communication between the two of you take a back seat. Even if it is predominantly one way, let it continue. You will be rewarded later! They will have their early crushes and breakups. You cannot avoid that. What you can do instead, is to develop a relationship with your teenager in such a way that he/she can come and rest their head on your shoulder whenever they want to. This is better for them rather than seeking sympathy outside and get exploited. Isn’t it?
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Don’t Act Like A Detective
Yes it is important to maintain a constant vigil on your teenager. However there is one rule of teenager parenting and that is to not act like a detective. Don’t scan their phones or track their locations. They can easily lock you out of it for good. Afterall, they know technology better than you, right? Instead, tell them to keep you informed and agree on certain touchpoints, when they are expected to inform you about what’s happening. If they miss the agreed touchpoint, you can remind them peacefully. That way you will build trust with them. However if situation demands and you must keep a tab on their activities, do it ever so discreetly and never leave a loose thread for them to discover that you’ve been snooping on them. This will hurt your relationship with your teenager very badly.
Don’t Loose Patience
You might ask this question at this stage that I am suggesting all the tips for you to make adjustments and nothing for the teenager. Well he/she is going through all the changes, not you. So the only person who is reasonable in this situation is you, hence this expectation. Be patient, its just a period of 3 to 4 years during the early teenage that you need to cope with all the commotion in your life silently and alone. Once this phase passes, you will be richly rewarded with a thankful young adult who will love you for the rest of your lives. Once the teenager is nearing the last of his/her teens, things will starting getting sorted and your child will start to mature into a fine adult, provided you’ve paid the price.
Are you willing to pay the price it takes for parenting a teenager?
“Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.”
Virginia Satir
